Crossing the Gate
by mugu
Summary: This story starts at the ending of the first Visual Novel, where Okabe went into a loop, losing his mind bit by bit to be inevitably "saved" by Suzuha and then decide to go in the past with her, to save the future and also their respective future in a sense.
1. Prologue: Metaphysics Necrosis

Story's Name: Crossing the Gate

 **Author's notes:**

The following story is based on the Visual Novel and not the anime. It includes Steins;Gate and Steins;Gate 0. This story starts at the ending of the first Visual Novel, where Okabe went into a loop, losing his mind bit by bit to be inevitably "saved" by Suzuha and then decide to go in the past with her, to save the future and also their respective future in a sense. The story will incorporate a lot of themes (realism, sci-fi, time-travel tropes, modern setting, slice-of-life, mystery, thriller, romance, etc...), and will be told in the same manner of the visual novel (i.e. mainly from Okabe's point of view).

The prologue is a simple reminder of the canon story. The fiction truly begins chapter one.

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Steins;Gate. Please support the official release.**

This is a work of fiction. All characters, organisations, places, and events are with some exceptions, imaginary and unrelated to real-life entities.

Beta: InsertImaginativeNameHere

* * *

 **Prologue:**

 **Metaphysics Necrosis**

* * *

 _There is no end though there is a start in space. — Infinity._

 _It has its own power, it ruins, and it goes though there is a start also in the star. — Finite._

 _Only the person who has wisdom can read the most foolish one from the history._

 _The fish that lives in the sea doesn't know the world in the land. It also ruins and goes if they have wisdom._

 _It would be funnier for man to exceed the speed of light than for fish to start living on the land._

 _It can be said that this is the final ultimatum from God to the people who can fight._

* * *

 **X**

* * *

" _It's me, Amane Suzuha. Hashida Tigor's daughter. It's been a long time._

 _Though for you, I'm sure only a few hours have passed._

 _The date is June 13th, the Year 2000._

 _Meaning I'm writing this ten years before you read it._

 _I'll get right to the point._

 _I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I..._

 _... failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed..._

 _The date is June 14th, the Year 2000._

 _About nine or ten years before you will read this._

 _I failed._

 _I only remembered who I was one year ago today._

 _The day Nostradamus said the King of Terror would come._

 _Stupid, stupid, King of Terror. He should have come and burned us all away._

 _For 24 years, I forgot who I was._

 _All I could remember was my name._

 _I finally remembered one year ago._

 _The day the King of Terror was supposed to come but didn't._

 _There's no King of Terror, but I want to die._

 _The repairs were incomplete. The time machine malfunctioned. When I arrived in 1975, I couldn't remember anything._

 _They found me lying in the street like a broken doll and took me to hospital._

 _Now, I've been living on my own for years, but that's as Hashida Suzu, a normal person who forgot the duty and mission of Amane Suzuha I only remembered last year._

 _I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I'm a failure._

 _Something went wrong! I don't know what. The repairs were incomplete. But it's not Dad's fault, it's mine._

 _I should have gone straight to 1975. I shouldn't have stopped in 2010, but I was selfish and now the future is doomed._

 _There's no IBN 5100._

 _I'm sorry._

 _I'm so sorry._

 _For what purpose have I lived to this age?_

 _I forgot my duty and lived a carefree life instead._

 _Now, my life has no meaning at all._

 _It's worthless. Worthless. Worthless._

 _I wish I hadn't remembered._

 _I'm glad I finally remembered._

 _I'm glad I had this chance to say sorry._

 _Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me!_

 _My plan failed._

 _I spent this whole year asking myself why._

 _I finally figured it out._

 _If I hadn't postponed my leap to 1975, this wouldn't have happened._

 _Okabe Rintaro._

 _After the offline meet, you stopped me from going to 1975._

 _I was really happy, but that's where it all went wrong._

 _I should have left. I shouldn't have waited. That was my last chance._

 _That night, there was a thunderstorm. My time machine was flooded._

 _If you can go back to that day, please, please, let me leave._

 _Then, I can bring you the IBN 5100._

 _I can fulfill my mission._

 _Please. That's all I want._

 _I promised Dad._

 _This was my dream._

 _I want to change the future._

 _I'm sorry._

 _I'm sorry._

 _I'm sorry._

 _My life was meaningless."_

My hands curl, crumpling the page. I realize that I am crying.

Suzuha failed? She lost her memory? Her life was... meaningless?

This can't be happening.

Nobody says a word. Their faces, like mine, are frozen in disbelief.

I turn to Daru. He's whiter than a sheet.

"Daru... didn't you fix the time machine?" I require, roughly.

"I... I did... I thought I did... but I mean, that's my first time repairing a time machine. I might have missed something."

"Missed something?! Whatever you missed cost your daughter 24 years of her life!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"Calm down, both of you," comes from the right. Red hair flutters before my sight. "Hashida did everything he could. He doesn't deserve your anger, Okabe."

How dare she?

"How can you be so calm!?"

"That's how I am." She shrugs. "Sorry. Now calm down," she tells me in her usual inexpressive tone.

My throat feels dry. It's not Daru's fault. I know that. But it can't end like this. It can't! What was Suzuha feeling as she wrote the letter?

I look again at the words scrawled upon the page, every character resonant in despair.

I wanted to welcome her back with a smile.

Instead... _this_.

Suzuha is dead, ten years gone.

...wait. How did she die?

Don't tell me...

Mister Braun must know what happened.

I run to the window and check the street. Mister Braun is outside, closing up the shop.

"Mister Braun!" I exclaim as I run downstairs.

The bulk man turns to me and reveals his smug face.

"Okabe! Did you hear? That satellite up and disappeared. Everyone's talking about it."

I guess it's already made the news.

"Please... I need to know," I mutter under my breath. He seems surprised.

"Huh? Know what?", he simply asks.

"Hashida Suzu-san... how did she die?"

His face suddenly turns serious.

"...why do you wanna know that?"

He looks at me hard. I meet his stare, unflinching.

"I... don't know anything about how she died. I need to know what her last moments were like. I feel... that it's my duty to know. To engrave her memory into my heart."

He waits few second before replying: "Sounds like you've got a reason. What I want to know is how you knew her."

"She was... an old acquaintance." That's all I can say. "A very old acquaintance... but I still remember the time I spent with her. So please...tell me."

"I don't like to talk about it...but alright. Listen good, Okabe."

I slowly nod. And then, I get my answer.

"It was suicide."

The world drops on my heart like an anvil. My vision is surrounded by darkness. My knees give out and I collapse on the pavement. I don't know if the bitter drops on my hands are from my sweat or from my own tears but the only thing I know is that I can barely breathe. So...it was just suicide, after all.

"She hung herself at home," the man continues ruthlessly. "I was the one who found her."

 _My life was meaningless._

I recall the last words she wrote in her letter. Words of unimaginable despair. She didn't deserve so bleak an end.

"She became unstable about a year before it happened. Before that, she was a nice, cheerful lady. The building was hers. She gave me a place to stay. She had no relatives, you know. Almost no one came to her funeral. It was a sad thing to see. She handed me that letter a week before it happened. Told me to give it to a young man named Okabe Rintaro on this exact date. When you moved upstairs, I thought Suzu-san must've seen the future or something."

Enough. I can't take it anymore. I try to stand but my legs betray me. I stumble, but before I fall, a small body supports my shoulder. On the edge of my vision, a soothing presence appears:

"Okarin, are you okay?" Mayuri asks, really worried.

It must be taking all her strength to hold me up. Did Mayuri hear how Suzuha died? Her eyes are visibly wet, her lips trembling. Still, she's the one supporting me. Mayuri and I bow deeply to Mister Braun and return to the lab.

When we get back, Daru is seated at his computer, head on the table. Kurisu is standing in front of the TV, watching an excited reporter talk about Radio Kaikan. The disappearance of the satellite is huge news, obviously. The lounge is silent, save for the TV. I look at the table.

The divergence meter still reads 0.337187%. It hasn't changed since before Suzuha left. What went wrong? I can't go back 10 years with the Time Leap Machine. I can't do anything about Suzuha's death. Should I have stopped her from leaving after all? Maybe then this tragedy wouldn't have happened.

No. What choice did I have?

I can't save Mayuri without the IBN 5100. Suzuha had to travel to 1975. I consider my options. What if I redo these two days again? Could Daru fix the time machine so this doesn't happen? Is fixing the time machine even possible? Daru's skills are second to none, and the time machine was built by his own hands, 26 years in the future. It seems logical that he would be able to fix it. But look at it another way. It took Daru twenty-six years to learn enough to build the time machine, and he had to reverse-engineer SERN's to do it.

Maybe it's unreasonable to expect our Daru to perform flawless repairs in only two days. In that case, can I have Daru use the Time Leap Machine and repeat these two days until he repairs it?

No. He'll have to start from scratch each time. Two days just aren't enough.

I collapse onto the sofa and bury my face in my hands.

Mayuri sits next to me and gently rubs my back.

I'm grateful for her kindness.

I recall what Suzuha wrote.

"If you can go back to that day, please, please let me leave."

...the D-Mail I sent.

Could that be the cause?

On the original worldline, Suzuha leapt to 1975 after failing to meet her father. Unsatisfied with that outcome, I sent a D-Mail to convince myself to follow Suzuha and prevent her from leaving. As a result, she remained in 2010 for an additional four days. But that night, the time machine was damaged by a thunderstorm. If I hadn't followed Suzuha that day...if I hadn't sent that D-mail to myself...her time machine would not have malfunctioned. She would have arrived safely in 1975. The solution is obvious. I need to cancel that D-mail. But can I really do that?

If I change the past so that Suzuha leaves, won't that undo the four days we spent together?

Our frantic search through the streets of Akiba.

Her heartfelt confession on the roof of Radio Kaikan.

Her tearful reunion with her father, Daru.

All of it will be undone.

What do I do?

An urgent bulletin pops up on the TV. I look up in surprise.

"Bomb threat suspends Yamanote, Sobu, Keihin-Tohoku Lines."

Damn. Moeka's men will be here in any minute.

There's no time to think. No time to hesitate.

I run downstairs, break into the Braun Tube Workshop, and turn on the 42-inch CRT.

Then I return to the lab and activate the Time Leap Machine.

"What are you doing Okabe!?"

She demands answers. I can see the fear in her eyes.

"We can't leave it like this! I have to do something!"

"Okabe..."

Her eyes blink. Another voice comes close.

"But Okarin, are you sure?" Mayuri required, doubtful.

Don't try to stop me, Mayuri. I can't let this stand. There are two options. I can cancel the D-mail that convinced me to pursue Suzuha. Sending a contradictory D-mail should do the trick. Or I can time leap again and again to prevent Suzuha from leaving.

Two options... but really, just one.

Do not hesitate, Okabe Rintaro!

Hesitation is unforgivable.

You already know what you must do.

My fingers start typing crazily fast:

"Stop pursuit last mail is SERN trap"

That should be enough to convince me to let Suzuha go.

Save.

"Kurisu. You're good at remembering dates, aren't you?"

"Huh? Well, sure..."

"When did we throw that party for Suzuha?"

"Four days ago. August 9th."

"You're sending a D-mail, Okarin? But won't that make everything disappear?"

Four days. It may not sound like much, but in the same time, we forged a definite bond with Suzuha. To send this D-mail is to sever that bond. I know that. I know that! But this is the only choice I have.

I set the PhoneWave to 120 hours ago. This D-mail should arrive a few hours after the first.

Now I just send it.

Save Mayuri - _that_ is my purpose.

That is what drove me to leap through time.

I'll do whatever it takes to save her.

This is just one more sacrifice.

Erase the time you spent with Suzuha! Destroy whatever bond you had!

Send the D-mail!

Push the button!

Isn't that what Suzuha wants? You'll be saving her from twenty-five years of loneliness, from ending her life in utter despair.

Save Suzuha. Save Mayuri.

This is the right thing to do.

This...

Is right!

...but is it really?

Is erasing those memories really the right thing to do?

Isn't that just running away from reality?

Shouldn't I try time leaping first? Maybe there's another way.

What should I do?

What's the right choice?

Stop. You're starting to doubt.

Never doubt!

I don't know the answer.

But I need to reach a conclusion, or else.

I...

I can't.

I can't do it.

I can't send this D-mail.

Acting on impulse, I don the headgear and punch in a 48-hour time leap. Lighting crackle around me, a buzzing sound invade my eardrums.

"Do you have a plan?" Kurisu required, arms crossed.

I ignore her and bite down hard on my lip.

I make the call.

As the taste of blood fills my mouth, I press the button.

* * *

 _How many loops does it take to kill a man?_

* * *

Hundred of days have passed since this began. Maybe thousands. How many cycles has it been? I've repeated this loop so many times that I've grown tired of keeping track. I can barely remember the reason I started. The days go by, like tearing pages from a calendar.

Everyone says the same things. Everyone responds in the same way. I've noticed my biorhythms seems a bit off, but aside from that, every day is the same.

Same, same, same, same, same, same, same, same.

Yes, subtle deviations occur.

This is my world.

"Haah...I quit cycling!"

Daru has used the last of his strength. While still on his bike, he rests his body against the guardrail separating us from the road.

I stop my bicycle and watch it impassively.

"Whoa!"

A horn blares. Daru jerks away from the rail. A split second later, the truck howls past. Daru loses his balance and falls on his butt.

"Th-that was close!"

"Hey, are you okay!" "Are you hurt?"

Kurisu and Suzuha get off their bicycles and help Daru up.

"That truck was mean!" Daru complained.

The truck has already crossed the intersection after the bridge. We watch it drive away.

"Man, what a shock. What was with that guy!? Crazy drivers. I should've checked the number! Then I could be like 'Reported!"

"So report him." The truck's number smoothly rolls off my tongue. I've seen it so many time it's like a brand on my brain. "There, now you know. Report him." I hold my phone out.

"...did I do something Okarin?"

"You said you wanted to report him, so I'm giving you the opportunity."

My tone is flat. I'm just saying whatever comes to mind.

It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

"I agree that Hashida could be a little less lazy, but you're going way too far, Okabe!" Kurisu intervenes unnecessarily.

"Shut up, you class rep wannabe."

"Wh-what?"

Mayuri comes between us, alarmed.

"No fighthing, guys! Daru-kun's okay, so let's be happy, okay?"

I ignore Mayuri and shove my phone at Daru, insistent. "You're not going to report him?"

"W-well, I guess I'll let him off the hook this time," he replies with an awkward chuckle.

I sigh and put away my phone, disappointed.

"..."

Suzuha is staring at me again. She look likes she wants to say something. But who cares what she thinks? I feel nothing.

The tired Kurisu, the re-energized Daru, and the ever-energetic Mayuri repeat the same conversation I've seen hundred of times.

"Holy land Land, I have returned!"

"Wow... I've never seen it this empty..."

"Look at all that space. It's hard to believe they fill this whole area during ComiMa."

In the emptiness, it is easy to see how truly majestic Big Sight is.

At ComiMa, when you're wading through a sea of people, it's just another big building.

"Hey! Mayushii's hungry!"

"Isn't there a restaurant nearby? Let's take a break,"

"I can't believe we have to bike all the way back. What a nightmare..."

The three of them go searching for the family restaurant.

Only I and Suzuha were left behind.

"..."

I turn my back to them and walk toward the ocean. But Suzuha suddenly stands in front of me, blocking my way. She challenges me with her glare, and I bore my bored eyes into hers.

I try to pass without saying anything but she cuts me off. I see the sincere concern in her years, but it can no longer sway my heart.

Not even a little.

When I am about to pass her, I hear her mutter:

"Hey. Wasn't there a movie about a guy who gets trapped in some kind of time loop?"

What?

What the hell is she talking about?

But then, she continues her nonsense: "Groundhog Day, right? It was like a hundred years old when I saw it. The movies in my time are all boring. SERN propaganda, you know? So we watch old movies instead. Like Groundhog Day."

"Never heard of it."

I am trying to brush her off but she keeps talking.

"It was pretty unsatisfying. I mean, the loop ends without the hero really doing anything. Like he becomes a good person and suddenly, happy ending."

She's so infuriating.

"Kinda dumb."

"You're trapped in a loop too, aren't you? All of us are."

But I stay silent.

"Say something, Okabe Rintaro. You've been here before, haven't you?"

Her glare seems to pierce through everything. I find myself blinking involuntarily. Then, my eyes drop to my feet. "What... what are you even talking about?" A horse voice leaks from the back of my throat, a voice that doesn't sound like my own.

"I saw Big Sight for the first time today. But this isn't the first time I've seen it," she pursues relentlessly.

I feel my heart skip a bit. Maybe I'm just over-thinking it.

"Word games?" I try to dissipate the thought but her eyes stretch.

"We've come here before, haven't we? You've experienced today multiple times, haven't you? How many times?"

I look at the side but she forces me to look at her by grappling my jaw.

"Answer me! You have the eyes of a dead man. I know those eyes. They're everywhere you look in my time! Look at me, Okabe Rintaro! Don't kill your soul!"

Slowly, feelings rise.

From the depths of my heart.

Like an oiled machine grinding back to life.

"Makise Kurisu's soon to be completed time leap machine. You've been using it to repeat past, haven't you!?"

I can not help but shrug.

"What if I have?"

"Why are you doing this!?"

Stop asking...

"... Who knows. The reason no longer matters."

"What are you running from?"

Stop...

"Running? Yeah... I'm running. Running from Mayuri's death."

"That's why I'm going to 1975. I'll bring you the IBN 5100 and then you can -"

...

"No, you fail."

"What!?" she said as she widens her eyes.

"And then, after 25 lonely, meaningless years, you hang yourself."

"What? But... but..."

Sorry...

"That's why i'm hiding in this loop. So that neither you nor Mayuri will die."

That's it. That was the reason. I entered this loop resolved to save them. But my resolve has long since turned to dust.

"As long as I repeat these two days, nothing changes. Nobody dies. I've accepted that duty. To keep everyone alive."

She shakes her head and protests: "That's only from your perspective! The world continues into the future independent of you! No matter how many thousands of loops you make, Shiina Mayuri will still die. It's not a solution!"

"Yeah..." My lips twist into a self-deriding smile. "But I'm not looking for a solution."

She stares at me in disbelief.

"Do you intend to keep looping forever?"

I nod.

"Yes. I've accepted that duty."

"You haven't accepted anything! Can't you see how it's twisted you?"

At this point, I should shout back but I only continue in the bored tone I grow accustomed to, too tired to even feel. "No matter what happens to me, this world will continue. The loop will continue. No matter what happens, the loop will not end."

"How long can you endure living frozen in time? You can't keep this up forever, you know? Your body may never die. But look at yourself, Okabe Rintaro. Your soul is already hanging by a thread."

...

"But... what else can I do? I don't have it in me to sacrifice anyone... You... Mayuri... you're my friends. I can't lose either of you..."

Suzuha hangs her head with a sorrowful expression. Is the interrogation over? I try to end the conversation by walking toward the sea again. But she grabs my hands to stop me.

"You have more to say?"

"Do I really...hang myself?"

"Yeah."

"...do I really fail my mission?"

"Yeah."

Suzuha bites her lips and hangs her hand. Maybe I shouldn't have told her the truth. But it doesn't really matter. If I time leap again, this conversation will never have happened.

"In that case...will you come with me, Okabe Rintaro?"

"...what?"

"Will you come with me? To 1975."

That's the last thing I expected to hear. Go with her...to 1975?

And weird enough, I feel surprised.

"What will happen if I go?"

Suzuha grasps my hand tightly.

"You can help me, so that I don't fail. And maybe...we can find another way to change the future.

The realization hits me like a hammer.

"Is that...possible?"

My heart beats. My eyes open. Colors return to the world.

"The worldline might shift in a completely unanticipated direction. What you know as the present may change dramastically. The Future Gadget Lab might not exist in the future we make. Shiina Mayuri, Hashida Itaru, and Makise Kurisu might not even be born. Even if they are born, they might be different people with different names. But if we go to 1975, we'll have 35 years before we reach the 2010 Convergence. I don't know how we'll change the worldline, but we'll have plenty of time to prepare. If you're okay with all that, then why not come with me? To tell the truth...I want someone to come with me."

Someone. In other words, it doesn't have to be me.

"I don't want to go knowing I'll fail. I don't want my death to be meaningless. So come with me. Save me. I want to save you too. I can't bear to see you like this. Will you continue this loop until your soul is ground to nothing? Once that happens, time will start moving again and the ending you've been postponing will occur. When your soul finally dies, Shiina Mayuri will die too. I will fail and hang myself. All according to schedule. What you're doing is nothing but slow suicide. If you're willing to go that far, then come with me instead. Save me."

The hands of my clock stopped ticking long ago. "I..." Now, slowly, they begin to move forward. "I... I'll go. I'll go with you. Please, take me with you."

She smiles. "Thank you...and I'm sorry. I should have noticed sooner."

Suzuha gently embraces me, as if to warm my frozen heart. The wind blows. The clouds flow and change shape. Sunset. The sky is so terribly orange. The color of dawn, of dusk, of the world's end.

The color of the world's beginning.

While Daru was repairing the time machine. I let my mind rest. I avoided all contact, like a log, and tried to piece my soul back together. On the afternoon of the 13th, I receive word that the repairs are complete. I send an email calling all members to a meeting. Then, as everyone else gathers at the lab, I head to Radio Kaikan alone. Suzuha is waiting there, standing before the time machine with glistening eyes.

She gives me one last warning.

"Remember, this time machine only goes on way. Once we leave, there's no coming back. Even so, will you still come with me?"

I slowly nod.

"And you? Are you sure about this?" I reply.

She answers with her usual curved-up smile. "There's a good chance we'll both lose our memories during the leap. You said it took me 24 years to remember. But this time, I have you. Something might change."

"Wishful thinking," I snort.

"Does that mean you're backing out? I'm going, no matter what?" she said, smirking.

"... No. I've made up my mind."

I don't know how it will turn out.

We're certainly at a disadvantage. But still, I never thought I'd be so thankful to not know what's coming next. It's so stimulating, it sends shivers down my spine. I feel like I'm actually here.

"Did you tell everyone?"

"I... bid them farewell," I admit, almost shameful.

Mayuri. Daru. Kurisu.

I left them each a handwritten letter.

The lab is probably chaos by now.

I also mailed letters to my parents and my friends at school, telling them to not look for me. My parents will probably be sad. But this time, I'm running away.

I want to believe I'm not running away.

Suzuha stands next to me, looking at the time machine. She runs a hand through her piggy tail, smiling, though her eyes still shine unshed tears. "You know...it's kinda like we're eloping."

I shake my head and hold my hand up to hers. "There's nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, I want to thank you Suzuha. If you hadn't invited me, I'd still be in the loop, living like a corpse. So thank you, Suzuha. Let's fight to change the future, together."

She retorts with a bright grin, cleaning off her tears.

"... Yeah."

We clasp our hands.

Suzuha's grip is so strong, it kind of hurts. But that pain tells me I'm alive. Nobody sends us off. Nobody could. There is one way trip through time. Once we go, there's no coming back. 1975, that's before I was even born. We're headed for the past... no... for a future that has yet to be written. Not the worldline Suzuha left. Nor the worldline she desired. We are reaching for an entirely new future.

"..."

"..."

Our eyes meet.

Our hands clasped tightly.

"... Let's go." I finally say.

"Yeah."

The time has come for us to depart.

Our mission, to change 35 years of history.

We boldly lift our heads, ready to challenge fate.

Together.


	2. Chapter 1: Crossing the Gate

Author's notes: Thanks for all the reviews. I hope this update will not disappoint you (both in length and content). Next chapter will normally be updated in two weeks. You may find the characters a bit OOC, but you'll have to replace things in their context. Okabe from this timeline will appear somewhat slow due to his his lack of success and what he went through. He's closer to Stein's Gate Zero Okabe than from the original game, but he's not quite the same as this one either. We're exploring an unique route that was yet to be seen...

* * *

 **Chapter one:**

 **Crossing the Gate**

* * *

 **X**

* * *

We walk forward. The setting sun in the horizon dims the landscape of skyscrapers in a yellowish light. At the top of our building, the house-sized capsule greets us with its tilted solar panels, crumbled into the concrete. It's our time machine, but a different kind than I'm used to. Looping again and again compared to what we're about to do is a completely different kind of trip, as there'll be no turning back. I'm excited, but also scared in a sense. To think I will never be able see my friends again. Daru, Kurisu...

Mayuri...

Just thinking about her death makes me puke. I did my best to save her, and yet my best isn't enough. And I no longer have the will to witness my friends dying.

It was the reason I went into this pointless loop. But it did not change a thing about our situation.

Mayuri...

I'm not supposed to be there. I'm supposed to be in front of the PhoneWave, ready for the next loop.

Actually, I accepted Suzuha's proposition on an impulse. But the temptation was too great. I just couldn't refuse.

So you can say I'm fleeing.

Suzuha's grasp is tight though. She doesn't let me get away, even for a second. I see her resolution in her eyes. And somehow, I take strength from this.

She leads me inside the ship... or should I say the capsule? I don't really know how I should call it anyways.

Suzuha tips her hands on a switch that appears on the grey metallic surface. Suddenly, the steel door squeaks open. She rotates her head toward me and asks me with big eyes: "What are you waiting for? Are you afraid?"

Her curved-up grin tickles my brain. Damn girl, you're really underestimating me! I hunch my head backward as I proclaim: "Fufufufu... Muhahaha! Know your place, Part-Time Warrior! I am the Great HOUUUOOUUIN KYYYYYOU-"

But she pats my jaws with both hands. I remain frozen before her cat-like smile.

"I'm happy you're back to yourself!" she admits joyfully, crushing her forehead on my own.

My eyes blink as the realization slowly sinks in. That's true... I don't remember since the last time I said such a line.

She winks at me and leaves me, speechless, to my own devices. I watch her diving deeper into the time-machine. I follow her reluctantly, not because she just discarded my shootout but for I know the more I follow her, the less I'll be able to see my family and my friends again. It's a horrific thought for someone who has never has been independent. Even if I rarely see my parents, I still receive their funds and my friends, namely Daru, have always been to cover my social needs. But to think I came close to even killing my own friends during those infinite loops scares me even more...

As I delve further onward, a rusty smell suddenly bathes my senses in a horrid fashion, as a remainder of the rain that caused ravages two days ago. I take careful steps on the improvised bridge, forming irregular stairs that leads toward the main platform. If I had Daru's weight, I am confident the whole thing would crumble under my feet, regardless of my precautions. My pace is steady, but not certain. I lift my arms as a bird would spread its wings to conserve some balance. We are at the eighth floor of a twenty meter rooftop and I know enough from my physics lessons that gravity is unforgivable when it strikes you down.

When I manage to reach my destination, I release a sigh of relief. I have been so focused on the task that I've barely noticed what Suzuha has done meanwhile. I glance behind me one time, before taking a step ahead.

Inside, I finally see her navigating through the ship's parts as if it was her home. I am astonished by the constant strides she takes, gathering stuff from left to right. I am certain she would even be able to walk blindfolded there without a hurdle. From afar, I notice two deckchairs made of leather, around some sort of central pillar composed of different electronic panels and futuristic keyboards. A moment latter, Suzuha comes closer as she delicately passes her fingertips on the touchpads, while looking around her. I guess she's probably checking the repairs made by Daru.

Her faint voice pierces through the ambient haze. "Father really did a great job. I almost feel like it's in the same shape when I departed from my timeline."

I watch her small smile. I also sense her voice is carrying some sadness. I feel obligated to reassure her. I come nearby, before taping my hand on her shoulder, nodding. "Daru is really competent in what he does. His attitude seems a bit childish, but when he gets to work, nothing can stop him."

She turns her eyes to me. I shiver inwardly when she bites her lips. "Really, it sucks that I couldn't get to know more about him."

I pass my hand through my hair, awkward. From my point of view, she did have many occasions to reconcile with him, but I guess what I saw in my loops matters little for her. I try to take a reassuring voice as I say: "We still have some time left before SERN arrive. You can speak with him again if you want."

But she shakes her head. She sits on one of the deckchairs, holding her knee close to her chest. "It's a shame... I don't want to delay my mission any more. And it would be unfair to you." She sends me an empathetic look. "It asked you a lot to accept my request. And looking after my father now when the clock's ticking would be like turning it down."

I attempt to laugh, but my voice dies before it can pass through my throat. Being so distraught, I cannot bring myself to meet her eyes. After all, I've already been selfish, enough to make so many loops. I don't really deserve any sympathy.

After a moment, I clumsily manage to declare, "It's okay, it's not like I can't wait for another day, right?" Then, I glimpse her suddenly coming nearby.

"You dimwit!" she admonishes me, poking my head. She forces me to look at her and I clearly notice her disapproving pout. "Don't think you can escape from me like that, Okabe. Our mission cannot suffer more delay!"

I wanted to argue you can't be late when you can come back in the past whenever you wish, but I kill this thought before it reaches my vocal cords, knowing the other party wouldn't receive it well. "I'm sorry," I admit sheepishly, fleeing her glare.

She hits me again, making me moan in pain. "Hey! Listen to me, Okabe Rintaro. We're together in this mess. We're _equal_." She points her finger on my chest. "So look at me straight. Stop acting like a lost puppy and be a man for once." Her other hand grasps my own, forcing me me to stare at her. From close-up, her blonde pig-tails are dancing from left to right and I can smell her scent, her sweat coming from the long jaunt we had in the morning. Then, my eyes fall on her boobs, touching my own chest.

 _Why don't you rape her? Why do you let her go all alpha on you? Is the Great Houoin Kyouma scared by a scrawny bitch?_ a sinister voice erupts within my mind. I wince at my inner demon before pushing him far away. A blush creeps up my neck and my hand connects with her wrist to push her aside. She looks at me, thoroughly confused. I try to defuse the situation, forcing a cough, hoping she won't notice my embarrassment.

"Whatever." I shrug. "I just wanted to be considerate. It's not my problem after all..." I turn my back to her, facing the wall. Somehow, the uniform surface appeases my mind. In the end, it's better that I don't involve myself further with her. Despite what she just affirmed, I know she only tries to act as if I'm her partner purely because I am the default choice. Anybody else other than me would fit. Heck, anybody else would be better than me...

"Okabe... please, face me. I need your help. We agreed on it, right?" I feel her fingers grasping my shirt on my back, making small knots with her nails. "You know I'm helpless on my own. Just don't leave me."

Her plea stings like dog bites on my flesh. I sight as I consider my current behavior childish. I muster my courage and turn toward her, trying to get a hold on my feelings. I can see her eyes watering at the corners. I approach my hand next to her lashes, and say assertively: "Of course I'll help you. I've got no other choice to come with you, as you have no other choice if you want to succeed your mission."

She widens her eyes. I look baffled when she takes my hand within hers. "Thank you Okabe," she replies, giving me a big smile.

"..." I let out a breathe before pursing my lips. She bends closer and lifts a forefinger and thumb in a L close to her face.

"Can you help me to displace some engines? Some of them are out of place and they're too heavy for me to carry alone."

I nod mutely. I cannot really read her at all. She seemed so sad one second ago and now, she's acting as if our heartfelt conversation didn't happen at all...

She shows me some big equipment lying at the far end of the ship, in a pile of steel and copper. She explain we'll have to move some of them near the central station as they are core to the ship's functions. Though we could depart without them functioning, she says, the trip will be safer with some of them activated. Though, for me, they are more akin to junk than you could expect from future machinery, similar to the future gadgets I built with Daru, but bigger in size — and heavier. She brings a black carriage on which she says we'll stack the engines.

Once in place, she moves herself to the other side of a huge grey cylinder and gestures me to lift it with her. I smile, confident I would manage to carry it alone but when I put myself into motion, I realize that I'm sorely mistaken. The thing I try lifting misses dismantling my shoulder blade by a hair's breadth when it falls on the ground in the clumsy mess. Suzuha stares at me, worried, but I quickly assure her I'm fine.

Ten minutes later, I'm so tired that my legs become lump meat. Despite the fact I rode a bike for days and days, my muscles are already sore from this hefty exercise. How could I seriously expect the sport I practiced inside my loop would serve me here. And Suzuha... seems not to break a sweat at all. I've maybe never been the top dog in PE but I was not the dead weigh of the class either. I scratch my head, wondering how her tiny body can hide so much power. Looking at her, it makes me consider if humans in general are bionically enhanced in the future...

After we're done, I let her on her own as I rest on one of the two remaining couches. I have no idea how this stuff is supposed to work. I do propose helping her, but when she shows me her manuals filled with hundreds of pages, full of technical terminologies, I quickly understand my assistance is not required there. She seems a bit at a loss herself when she connects together the machines but she finally manages to get some of them working — or at least, enough to make them fickle some LEDs.

A claw-like, bluish glove suddenly falls from above and lands next to her chair. She puts her right hand into it before inserting her fingertips on the sockets' central panel, which makes a sound close to a screwdriver on a hard material. With her other arms, she picks up the leftover wires while she works. To be truth, I didn't expect her to be so tech-savvy when I watched her do the errands of Mr. Braun but I guess it was part of her disguise. Few minutes later, she frees herself from the electronic components and releases a relieved sight, bringing back into place her flyaway locks.

"Miss Amane, the IED is fully operational and the energy charging is in progress," a feminine robotic voice suddenly resonates from the speakers system. Suzuha flashes a grin upward to the seemingly AI as she replies: "Thanks Yuki. I'm happy to see you back." She then turns her head toward me. "So Okabe, ready to challenge fate?"

At this point, the past me would have rebuked her with his ever-assertive contempt, stating the Great Houoin Kyouma would be more than ready for that and saving the world from its destruction would be like a walk in the park for him. The current me isn't as certain. Recently, fate had the tendency to go contrary to my beliefs. And yet, deep down, I can't picture her being anything less than enthusiastic. Through her contagious optimism, I manage to display a smile — though a small one.

"So, what is your plan, Part-Time Warrior?" I say, getting in the mood.

She twists her arms comically as she sticks out her tongue to the side. "Operation Nanashi!"

I stare at her blankly. Operation Nanashi? She puts her hands on her hips, looking bemused at my confusion. Really? If you think you can own me at my own game, you'll be disappointed soon enough. I slice the air with my hand, focusing my inner strength, before showing off my ultimate technique, the Hyouin Kyouma's style...

"Operation Underdogs. We shall go to the past, bring down the Organisation for we reach the Steins Gate. I am the man who feed on Entropy and pursue chaos, the one who will reset the world's ruling structure, and bring my ambitions into fruition. You, girl, will only be my tool for my greatest design, and as a tool, you will solely serve my purpose. Destruction is at hand for I, Houoin Kyouma, shall reign over the whole multiverse. Fuhahaha!"

Suzuha looks at me bewildered first but retaliates as quickly as she crouches to the ground, holding a hand close to her chest, before pledging her liege:

"I, Suzuha, daughter of the great scientist, Itaru Hashida, will do my best under your commands. Devise your orders, Lord Kyouma for we shall bring forth harmony."

Yes, it feels so good to be alive again.

"Oh? And what makes you so entitled to think you would deserve my Lordship?" I mutter as I tilt my head to the side. She lifts her face up, so I can see her determination through the haze of her eyes. "Hmm... You're maybe not so worthless as you seem. Fine, I accept you in my crew. You'll be the member number one of my organisation, Skuldoor."

"Organisation Skuldoor?" she asks curious.

Such an innocent woman. Does she know nothing of the world yet? "To bring down the evil Organisation named SERN, I shall make my own Evil Organisation. As the Great Mastermind, I will be at the Head of our future army. You of course, will serve as my Second-in-command."

She forecast her grin as she stands up and put her hand over her forehead in the manner that only the most experienced war veteran would be able to do. And of course, I can expect no less from my first lieutenant. "What is your first order, sir?" she inquires, dutiful.

I turn my back to her in a wide gesture of my white cape. I look at the ceiling and hum tragically. "You shall bring us back to the land of Twilight, where the stars fall and where the sun rises. The time has come for us to depart. Set the ship thirty-five years in the past!" I shout at the end.

"Sir, yes sir!" she shouts as she sits on her couch and hints me to sit on my own. I approach the cushion and notice it's neither a chair, nor a bed per se, but rather a mix of both. My skin shivers when it meets the weird texture of the couch's fabric. I don't really know where to put my hands, and I try to push down an awkward laugh. I have an image to preserve, after all. Though I only realize now that Suzuha is not really paying attention to me, clearly focused on feeding the good inputs into the machine.

"Initialization of the entered sequences. Destination cleared. Energy is full. Passing through..."

It's so sudden that I have no time to prepare. My heart misses a few beats as I hear the countdown torturing my eardrums like a knife on a butter. I am still conflicted despite my previous assertions. But I cannot afford to be weak with what I just said. And I know in deep she must fear this one-time-trip more than I do. She knows she's probably going to die and yet still keeps fighting against the odds. But she does not seem to hesitate even for a moment. I suspect it may be because of her training, or maybe due to her tragic childhood. She was born a completely different epoch, at a time where SERN completely controlled the masses, so I cannot really compare her world to mine but I wonder if she misses her homeworld. Mirroring her situation, I'm just aware I'm at a point where we will share the same fate, as the realms we're going to reach will be certainly different from the ones we know. It would be foolish not to be scared, however, somehow, I feel more excitement out of this than fear...

And the alarm rings even louder now that there's only thirty seconds left.

"Suzuha?" I say, my throat rasping dreadfully.

She diverts her eyes in my direction, looking annoyed.

"Later," she mutters absentmindedly as she sets again her attention on her screen. I pick up some nervous tics in her behavior; her hands are trembling a bit and her eyes are looking left to right, alarmed. It doesn't sound good at all.

"Twenty seconds remaining..."

I see her fingers going faster, and feel my heartbeats going even faster.

"Ten seconds remaining..."

Maybe it wasn't a so good idea after all. I didn't have time to plan my plan.

"Five seconds."

I didn't even say goodbye to Mayuri... or Kurisu.

"Three seconds."

Will I be able to see them again one day?

"Two seconds."

Daru, man, it was fun to lurk those achannel threads together.

"One."

There's a zapping sound, and countless faint silver lights suddenly float around us. I guess this is the end of it. The end of everything.

I suddenly feel like falling but not falling at the same time.

I see Suzuha smilling at me.

"See you on the other side, Okabe."

What?

That's how we crossed the Gate...

The Gate toward our past... but also toward our future...


End file.
